Fifty Shades of What’s Next

Fifty Shades of What’s Next

A Dishing Junk Special

Dishing Junk – The act of dispensing ideas of little value in a casual or silly manner.

Great new stories soon to be published & made into movies!

Have you read the book, watched the movie, watched the movie again, bought it on DVD and watched it again – and now need something else to read/watch and obsess over? Well, you are in luck – I’ve just gotten word that a MAJOR publisher is searching the fanfiction sites for popular pieces and have teamed up with a MAJOR studio to publish and film them for the NEXT sensation. Now, nothing has been released yet, but you guys know that one of my siblings is a MAJOR player in THE industry – and she…err he gave me some hot tips that we just might be seeing these in the not so near future:

TheMagicWithin

 

The Magic Within by K.D. Fang

In this stunningly portrayed romance, loosely inspired by the novels, about the British Wizard with a Scar. K.D. Fang, debut author, takes us on an epic journey, through a magical and sexy world.

Hunter Paxton, abandoned by his parents at an early age, learns about life on the tough streets of London. He takes the next step and becomes a male prostitute and flourishes in the trade. On his twenty-first birthday, he is visited by Hawk, the groundskeeper of the exclusive School of Pleasure & Magic, and Hawk lets him know that he is a Wizard of Pleasure and must attend the school, because it is his destiny. On Harlem’s first day he becomes fast friends with Rafe and Harper and together they explore the school and the pleasures within. There is a dark side to the School of Pleasure & Magic though. Deep in the bowels of the school lies a secret, the secrets of dark pleasure magic, and one wizard Vilderbrant, lures Hunter to explore the dark magic…does Hunter have the will-power to resist Vilderbrant’s dark lustfulness, or will Hunter forever be lost to the darkness?

 

 

One_hungry

One Hungry Reality by Helena Clip

Inspired by the pop-culture phenomenon that is that book and movie where the children must fight to survive in a terrifying future, but this isn’t that book/movie. This is another one, loosely inspired by that one.

Kalyn Selena Renee Smith is just your ordinary girl, she’s rather ugly actually. But, when she wins a contest and becomes the next reality television star, her whole life changes. She only had to go through a few cage matches with leading MMA fighters, but it was easy and now she is America’s sweetheart. The problem is, one of the men she has to fight, loves her, even though she’s not quite sure about it…and the other problem, she is kind of in love with a guy from back home, but she’s not quite sure about that either. Luckily for her, both guys become close friends and decide that they love each other and they all battle it out on reality television…

Blizzard

 

Blizzard by Felicity Maher

Deep in the woods of the Montana wilderness there is a town that has the most snowfall in all the world. A boy, comes home to live with his mother after a few years, because he flunked out of college and needs to get a new perspective on life.

Quiet, a little clumsy and with a low self-esteem, the boy meets the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen and there is instant attraction. Unfortunately it’s his step-sister and she just happens to be a were-yeti. And even though she’s his step-sister, she lives on the mountain with her other were-yeti sisters and brothers that she’s made a life with and they don’t eat humans, they eat deer and call themselves were-vegetarians. And as their love blossoms in the snow, an enemy pops up on the radio – a non-vegetarian were-yeti that wants to eat the boy…we can’t have that!!

 

Which one are you going to read first????

Dishing Junk – Is a satirical feature on The PJV, published every Wednesday.

Smartie-Pants Review Terminology

Smartie-Pants Review Terminology

Book Review Terminology for Book Bloggers

Smartie-Pants Review Terminology
Sound Like a Winner Not a Weiner

A

Antagonist – The character or characters that is against the main character or hero.

Anti-climax, anti-climatic – The opposite of the climactic ending, a fizzle, a disappointment.

Anti-hero – Not a hero – an anti-hero. This is the main character in a story, movie or play who isn’t the good guy. Their actions lack morals, or has very questionable actions. The anti-hero is not a villain.

Archetype – A stereotype of a certain person, thing or situation. Very typical of a certain embodiment. The flawed hero, the Damsel in Distress, star-crossed lovers, the heroic journey, good vs. evil.

B

Bildungsroman – A novel that covers the growth of a character. Bildungsroman focuses on a young character that progresses into adulthood, a sort of coming of age that follows a character that is looking for answers. DAVID COPERFIELD is a very typical Bildungsroman.

C

Convention – “The Norm.” This is an established technique, style, structure that is common in novels.

D

Diction – The style in which the characters speak, the wording and phrasing of the novel.

F

Fatal Flaw – The thing that leads to the downfall of the character.

H

Hook – Also called Narrative Hook, this is the thing that keeps readers “hooked” into the book.

I

Irony – Humorously contrary. When something happens or an event that is opposite of what is expected.

J

Jargon – Terms and words that are used in a certain way or style within a particular setting, profession or group.

M

Magical Realism – Contemporary with a few supernatural or extraordinary events or people.

Motif – A symbol within a story. It is a reoccurring idea that pushes the theme of the novel forward, like the central message of the story.

N

Narrative – The story is the narrative. It is usually told by narration, first-person narration or from a third-person narrator.

Nemesis – The nemesis is from the Greek goddess of revenge. A nemesis is the competitor, not always good or evil.

P

Paradox – Not what was expected. This is usually used when describing an idea or opinion that is not normal.

Point of View – Which head do you reside within? This is the point of view. The way in which the novel is narrated. There are three accepted POVs, first person, in which the character is telling the story, the use of I, we, us. Second person is probably the least used, it uses the pronoun you. Third person is usually a narrator, he, she, it etc.

Prologue – What came before the story – that is the prologue. Usually a chapter or scene before the novel’s timeline begins.

Prose – The flow of the novel, the flow of the structure of the speech and sentences.

Protagonist – The main character, the hero or heroine.

R

Rising Action – A series of events or scenes that build action within the plot.

S

Satire – A way to criticize society, government or general humanity through the use of humor and irony.

Self-Fulfilling Prophecy – Actions of a character that lead to an expected end, brought about because the character expected them and acted in a way that led to the ending situation.

Setting – Where the novel takes place. The city or the world.

Stream of Consciousness – Inner/Interior monologue. The thoughts of the character.

Subplot – Just what the term suggest, this is the secondary plot or another level of the novel.

Superlative – A really big description of three or more objects.

T

Theme – The main thought, idea or meaning of the novel.

Tragic Flaw – See Fatal Flaw. This one leads to the downfall of the character.

Transition – the flow of the sentences in a novel, the transitions are phrases that connect the sentences together.

Trope – Term, image, or word that is used for effect within the novel. Irony is a trope. Trope can also be a cliche within a novel.

Truism – Something accepted as self-evident or true within a story.

V

Voice – The narrator’s style. Or the author’s writing style. The author’s personality that shows through within the writing is the Voice.

Zoomorphism – Humans acting like animals, objects that have animal attributes.

Bad Cover Reveals for May 2015

Bad Cover Reveals for May 2015

 

Loving Ean by Elle Christensen was revealed on May 5th and is scheduled for release in July. Poor Ean – someone ‘shopped his head and made him see-through.

Loving_Ean_cover

SS Admella: A Dreaming Billabong Novel – Fool’s Gold Series by Ryn Shell is all sorts of insane. The book is out now – and guess what? You can read it for Free on Kindle Unlimited. Have fun. An artist actually claims this one as a portfolio piece.

Bad Cover Design

Our final trip down lame lane was actually a cover reveal at the end of April – but I had to include it. This one has WTF written all over it. The book is Dismantled by Yara Greathouse  and it released on May 18, 2015, even though you have to dig deep to find it on Amazon.

Bad Cover Design

So have you experienced any bad cover reveals lately?

Ten Reasons to Read Romance

Ten Reasons to Read Romance

Like you guys need a reason to read romance, but I just thought I should reinforce it. 
Everyone needs a little romance in their life, you might be married, single or just “It’s complicated.” Life gets in the way of romance. It shouldn’t. Time to pick up a book.

1. Everyone Should Learn to Swoon

Swwon

Google Defines Swoon as:

swoon

swo͞on/
verb
1. faint from extreme emotion.
noun
1. an occurrence of fainting.

Now don’t fall on the floor, but maybe stumble…

2. Learn New Words for Penis…

What do you call it?

Everyone needs to learn at least fifty of them that you can recite off the top of your head.

3. Love

Love is Like...

Admit it, we are all in pursuit of love.

4. You might figure out what you … er like …

What do you like??

How can you know what you like or don’t like if you’ve never even heard of it? And with Romance you don’t have to go out and be all experimental. You get to read about it first. And with the crazy genres out there, you can literally try anything.

5. There is sex in them…

Doesn’t mean you are a big old perv, you just like to read about sex. It’s hot. It’s … well sexy. Enjoy it.

6. These books were written for women…by women.

Breasts

Men just don’t understand what makes us tick…don’t let them try and talk you into it.

7. Meet the Perfect Man

Perfect Man

You gotta experience the perfect man sometimes, even if it is unrealistic

8. Butterflies Are Awesome

Butterflies

You get to relive the “butterfly” stage over and over again. And you never have to do chores, or deal with the toilet seat being left up, or the fact that he ate pizza at midnight last night and left crumbs all over the stove, or get those little spots of toothpaste spit all over the mirror, or proposition you by flashing you after they leave the shower and consider this romance…

9. Everyone loves a Happily Ever After

Happily Ever After

I don’t mean marriage, I don’t mean horses and princes…I mean a woman getting what she wanted. Either in bed, or in life. Happily Ever Afters are just reaching a positive goal a VERY nice goal.

10. You Ain’t Crazy

Crazy Girl

You Realize That Other Women Have the Same Crazy Thoughts & Insecurities, genius!!!

Ten Common Ways to Offend Someone on Social Media

Ten Common Ways to Offend Someone on Social Media

In today’s society, it’s pretty easy to offend someone. The majority of social media scatter brains spend most of their days searching the web just to find someone to take offense with. They love to get offended. They’ll take a situation and dissect it and find 101 ways to be offended, then write a post about it, break it down and tell you why YOU should be offended too.

Let’s All Be Offended!!!

The majority of the time when I read posts like this, I leave their little corner of the internet shaking my head and finding myself with a brain cell deficiency. I just wasted 10 minutes of my life, raised my blood pressure and dropped my IQ. Thanks. But, it is funny to watch…stupidity is oftentimes amusing. Wait – did I offend you? 

But, let’s back it up a bit…if you read on, you’ll probably be offended at some point.

 

Ten Common Ways to Offend Someone on Social Media

10. Declare that you are a Conservative

There is no better way to piss the vast majority off by stating that you have “Conservative Tendencies.” The moment you come out and say this, you’ll be labeled a racist, anti-gay, bigot, sexist oppressor of women, destroyer of planets, currently engaged in the War on…. {insert current oppressed type of person/animal/plant/thing here}.

9. Use a Fake Name

It doesn’t matter that everyone else, including your grandmother uses a fake name on the internet if you are caught using a fake name – SHAME ON YOU!!!!!! You deceived the masses! You made them believe false truths about you! You shattered their trust! Oh, the shame! Oh, the indignity! Oh, they’ve been lied too!!! It doesn’t matter that the person posting that you are a fake and a liar posts under “King Julien.” Nope, not at all. At least he is open in his deception of being a lemur.

8. Be Blissfully Unaware

Whether you take a selfie in front of a car accident or shamelessly promote your latest blog post during a social media crisis, by being blissfully unaware you unknowingly stick your toe in a pool full of piranhas. It’s like walking into a party that was just hit by an exploding “poop” bomb and declaring “let’s get this shit started!” You should have known that THIS was going on! What is wrong with you?? If you want to really offend someone, tie a promotional post in with whatever current crisis is going on… “I know everyone is freaked out about the Ebola vaccine, but lose yourself in my latest Urban Fantasy novel to get your mind off of things.” 

7. Insult Someone’s Child

No matter how much that little bundle of joy is acting like a lunatic, acting out, or just being a straight up menace. If you even turn around and look at them, offer any advice or critique the parenting – you’ll be ostracized and belittled with no regard for your own personal feelings. Oh, and your own children will be fair game.

Jodie Arias Glares At Crying Child

6. Create A Group or Team and Call it Something Competitive/Scary/Metaphorical…

You know people love dishing it up, especially when there is a group or team that just gets their goat. Want to offend? Create a club and call it something like “Smart People Only Club” or “Pretty People Social Club” and see how people react. Especially if you don’t let them in your club.

5. Support a Cause That Isn’t Popular

There are some people/things/plants that really need help, but for some reason, the masses just don’t want to support a cause that helps them. For example, Kirsten Lee of Pottery & Poems Book Blog is overweight and wants to go on a month long “detox & weight loss” retreat. You are helping her crowdfund her adventure. She swears she’ll blog about it, but for some reason, no one likes Kirsten Lee. It’s probably because she’s a huge supporter of {insert offensive author here} Just by supporting her crowdfund you might find yourself not so liked yourself.

4. Defend Someone that Offended Someone

You just jumped in and defended someone that is currently being bombed by the social media morals brigade. Good luck, you just joined their cause, even if you have NO clue about what it is.

3. Write Something That Could be Slightly Taken Out of Context if you Looked at it Sideways and Through a Magnifier

That tweet you just posted sounds racist if  CANDY CANE is a euphemism for male genitalia and Santa is a metaphor for mud. Watch yourself. Even not tweeting something, even though people expect a tweet or comment might get you in trouble. Ask Joss Whedon, he does this all the time.

2. Sarcasm

Sarcasm doesn’t really work well within 140 characters or the written word for that matter. Most of the time if you use sarcasm – you’ll be misunderstood and offend someone. The best thing to do is just mean what you say and say what you mean, unless of course it’s offensive. Then just shut-up.

Sarcasm

1. Post About Religion or Politics

No matter which way you slice it there will be someone on the other side of the aisle that will get offended by your stance.  Especially if your post is incendiary… and you might not even think it is incendiary. You might just be supporting your local politician and have no idea that he has amassed a large group of haters…oops. Have fun with that.

 

free-speech

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