Dishing Junk – The act of dispensing ideas of little value in a casual or silly manner.
Stupid Sh** Authors Post in Response to Negative Reviews
I get it. I really do get it. One star reviews can be painful. Especially if they get personal. Authors get them, if you don’t have any, thank your diety of choice. I’m currently up to 14 1-star reviews on Amazon for all the books, but the majority are for RUN. Not that I’m counting, I went and looked for this post. I won’t look on Goodreads. You know why? I don’t want to. I don’t care. I really don’t care. You might think I’m bending the truth there, especially when you see that my books have been called, “horrible,” “porn with zombies running around,” and “One of the worst books I’ve ever tried to read.” But, really, it’s nothing. I wrote a book. Enjoying a book is a matter of taste. My book didn’t satisfy those people’s taste. If I had a freak out over every 1-star review I would be a mental case. And even if I feel a twinge – I remind myself – they read my book. My book! They read it!!!!
Sure, they didn’t like it. But who the Hell cares. I’ll take your money, you give me a bad review. We even. Sorry I pissed you off enough that you had to tell everyone how much you hated it – but at least I inspired some sort of emotion. I’ll take that. So, when I see Authors go on FREAK OUTS over a 1-star review – well honestly, I want to throw some kleenex at them and scream in my best TI (Training Instructor) voice: “PULL UP YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES AND GET OVER YOURSELF!”
Phew. Glad I got that out of my system. But, here are ten author reactions/posts that make me feel violent. Because, when it comes down to it, most reactions quickly turn nasty and their focus is the reviewer. And that is when a line is crossed.
Now, I have to preface this post that this is not about “review attacks” or fake negative reviews. This is about freak-outs to legit 1-star reviews. But, really half the time when an author freaks out about a neggie, they claim it’s attack or fake. So, I can’t really put a distinction there. Use your common sense. All of these have been posted about me or a fellow blogger that I consider a friend.
Here are ten author reactions/posts that make me feel violent. Because, when it comes down to it, most reactions quickly turn nasty and their focus is the reviewer. And that is when a line is crossed.
Ten Author Reactions To 1-star Reviews That Piss Me Off:All metaphors will revolve around food - think of a book as food - sorry I was hungry when I wrote this
Leaving a 1-star review is devaluing the lengths I have gone as an author
Let’s say you’re a cook. You cook a mighty fine dish. You put the dish in front of a patron. They hate it. Not because it’s not a mighty fine dish. But, because that person doesn’t like that particular blend of flavors. Does this devalue the cook and all the time he’s spent becoming a cook? No. The cook takes it into account and realizes that everyone else at the table likes his meal. Be like the cook.
If you hated it so much – why’d you have to review it?
Because this person is a reviewer. This is what they do. They review stuff. They actually take it pretty seriously sometimes. You know, a person’s opinion is kind of important to them. Let’s say after the meal, the patron walks out of the restaurant and someone asks, “How’d you like the meal?” Should they respond with: “I must refrain from speaking of my experience because I wouldn’t want to be hateful.” No, they’ll probably give their opinion. Because, that’s what people do. They like to give their opinion. You know. Opinions. Like your opinion – that they shouldn’t have reviewed it.
Posting a 1-star review is bullying/trollish behavior
This is a very popular one, thank you Anne Rice. I guess we should shut up and keep quiet. We should all be unicorns too, and poop rainbows. We should all love each other and love everything and only say something if it’s nice. We should all get a trophy too. If we eat at the worst restaurant on the planet, got food poisoning and saw roaches crawl on the plates – we should think of something nice to say about that restaurant. Give them a trophy for having a friendly hostess.
I want a damn trophy. It should read: “I’m awesome in my own special snowflake way.” Someone get me a damn trophy. Again, grow a pair. If I say I don’t like M&Ms, and write on AMAZON – “M&Ms suck!!” Am I bullying Forrest E. Mars Sr.?
Some People Enjoy Hurting Authors
Yes, they’re evil people and they are just out to get authors. It’s Authorism. They wear robes of pink and call themselves the Book Blogger Brigade. Their goal is to destroy the publishing industry one author at a time. What is not clicking here?
That 1-star review was like being raped
I’ve seen this a few times. And it’s no joking matter. I thought Bully was bad, but Rapist is evil. To quote Jericho Barrons “Make no mistake, Ms. Lane, I didn’t rape you. You can lie there on your pretty little P.C. ass and claim with your idealistic little P.C. arguments that any violation of your will is rape and that I’m a big, bad, bastard, all I’ll tell you that you’re full of shit, and you’ve obviosuly never been raped. Rape is much, much worse. Rape isn’t something you walk away from. You crawl.” – Fae Fever by Karen Marie Moning
Reviewers that leave one-star reviews are “haters”
I’m jealous. I’m soooo jealous of your book and your authorness that I’m leaving you a 1-star review. I’m hating all over you. This is me hating on you.
noun: hater; plural noun: haters
- a person who greatly dislikes a specified person or thing.“a man hater”
a negative or critical person.“she found it difficult to cope with the haters”
I got this from the thing that pops up on Google when you google define hater
Yes, well I guess, with that definition they are correct. I hate that book, therefor I am a hater. Urban Dictionary defines it as “A person that simply cannot be happy for another person’s success” which I think is what they usually mean. And I say in response, “get over yourself.” Yes, it’s about YOUR book, but again – that review has nothing to do with you. Unless they say “this author sucks.” Then yeah, it has to do with you and that is another story all-together. But if they say “this book sucks.” Well, it’s about — there’s that word again… book. It’s about your book.
There must be something wrong with you, everyone else likes my book!
Do you love vanilla ice cream? It’s rich and creamy and OH SO vanillaey. It’s been perfectly processed and churned and made from the finest cream ever. Guess what… out of 15 flavors, only 29% choose vanilla. It was the TOP flavor of choice, beating the second best, Chocolate by more than 20%, but still, there was almost 70% that didn’t favor vanilla. Poor vanilla. I guess it’s devalued. No it’s not! It’s the best ice cream out there (even though I don’t know why? Because I like chocolate!). If everyone else likes your book, why do you care that 1 person doesn’t? Focus on the positive. I swear. You’re still tops. Or keep telling yourself that. I do.
The reviewer is probably a failed writer, and jealous, and unhappy
We as bloggers just love to tear down authors, because we are poor, pitiful failed writers that aren’t happy about our lives so we have to spread the unhappiness to other people. How do we do this? We post bad reviews about books. Do some people really believe this?
You’re not a professional reviewer, so your review does not matter
If a chef whips up a plate of yummies but there is no one there to eat it, does he not bleed? Yeah, exactly. Most reviewers get advertising for their blogs or associates cash for their reviews – hence they get paid – hence they are technically professional – hence Amazon 1099s my ass and I have to report it as income. Yep – all the review items I get from Amazon are considered INCOME. Hence I declare shenanigans on that statement!!!
I’ve ruined your life? You can’t pay your bills now? Your daughter, with three illegitimate children, was waiting for that royalty check, which is now going to plummet because of my review?
No. I think I’m good. It’s just my opinion. I’m sorry to hear about your daughter. Maybe, oh never mind, I only have opinions about books, not people.
I’m going to hear from your lawyer?
Damn. Good luck with that.
*** drops mic ****
I’m done. Oh wait, maybe not…
This post was inspired by ALL real events. I’m not going to place blame on certain people, most of them happened awhile ago when I first started blogging. A lot of authors seemed to have gotten a clue as to how to react to 1-star reviews in these later years. The majority blow them off, like I do, and chalk them up to taste and part of the fun of being an author. But, some still don’t get it. What inspired this post was a Facebook post from a friend of the blog, Vicki of Romance Between the Sheets. She’s a great fellow blogger and a great person in general. I’ve met her IRL and she’s been around for awhile. She’s had a negative reaction as of late, and explains herself in this post. It’s a little sad, and a little angering, and altogether a bad situation. Because of this I wanted to do a dishing junk post, which are usually a little more light-hearted. This one came across a wee bit angry and sarcastic and I apologize for that. I do have to say that all of those things have been said about me, or bloggers that I know and I’m pulling from experience. As a blogger. And as an author. And they still sting. But, everyone is entitled to their opinion. Just keep in mind – when a blogger espouses about your book – they are talking about your book. When you go off and insult the blogger, you are attacking them personally. Who’s being a bully now?
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