Dishing Junk – The act of dispensing ideas of little value in a casual or silly manner.
The Ten Things I’m Sorta Thankful For in Blogging
1. Book Tour Blogs
Thank you…Book Tour Blogs, I am thankful for you because you post NOTHING but blog tours, with copy given to you by the tour hosts. You make my shit look so much better and original.
2. No Comment Posts
Thank you…Posts without any comments. I am thankful for these little black-holes of depression because without them I would not be inspired to get off my ass and write something better.
3. Grumpy “Second Notice” Authors
Thank you…Authors that email me repeatedly checking in on their review requests. Your constant persistence and desperate cry for help reminds me that I was smart in deleting your review request in the beginning, because no one wants to review a desperate author. No one.
4. Mémoire Author
Thank you…Mémoire author who thinks that I should read their book and review it on my site, because it’s “not like those other mémoires, this one has a ghost in it” so I just might like it. Your nagging has inspired me to keep on top of my review policy and constantly keep it fresh.
5. Content Stealers
Thank you…Bitches who steal my ideas and then play like they came up with it themselves. Your lack of crediting and disrespect have urged me to come up with an even better idea and MAKE IT AWESOME so everyone knows it is mine.
6. Crazy Authors & Publishers
Thank you…Crazy Authors & Publishers, your bizarre actions give me a reason to write an op-ed about your lunacy and flex my journalistic abilities, or lack-there-of, without your ridiculously inappropriate behavior our little niche would be a boring place full of book lovers who just talk books. Thanks for bringing the reality show environment to the book blogging world, maybe one day a book blogger can be on tv pulling an author’s hair while both are dressed in bikinis and sipping moonshine.
7. WordPress Hackers
Thank you…Wordpress hackers and bots and other asinine malicious trespassers! Your constant barrage and attacks on my site have led me to be a better programmer, forced to keep you out. If I would I could meet you in person I would also have the opportunity to try out that palm strike I learned in Han Mu Do I’ve been so desperate to use.
8. Author’s Who Tweet “Buy My Book”
Thank you…Authors who tweet me the link to their book on Amazon with a “buy my book please” even though they don’t follow me or have ever engaged with me before. I love to click that BLOCK & REPORT button on twitter, it’s like my secret little desire come to light. Click. Ah. Ooh. Done. It makes my day. Thank you!
9. Newsletters I Never Signed up For
Thank you…Blog Tour companies and Authors that send me their newsletter even though I’ve NEVER heard of them before, another secret desire comes to light as I scroll down to the bottom of the email and click UNSUBSCRIBE and then get to use the dropdown menu that says “this email is spam and should be reported.”
10. Save Me Bloggers
Thank you…Bloggers that email me to “save them” or “show them” or “teach them” or “promote them” because they are new and dumb and want ARCs or blog readers or just want to become internet famous. Bloggers like you make me realize how hard I worked to get my blog off the ground and I never asked or expected anyone to give me a boost. Your desperation and lack of common consideration makes me appreciate the good bloggers around me that worked just as hard along with my own endeavors that got me where I am today. Thank you, because of your expectations of a hand-out, I appreciate the hard work of others much more.
And thank you Jimmy Fallon – sorry I stole your idea. 🙁
And on that note…to all my hard working bloggers, readers and authors, keep kicking ass! And have a wonderful Thanksgiving tomorrow! If you are not from the US and this isn’t your – Eat-Tons-of-Turkey-And-Other-Crap-Day, I’m thankful for you too – and I’ll eat some extra mac & cheese in your honor.