NAUGHTY GIRL’S GUIDE TO BLOGGING
A Dishing Junk Special
Ten Ways To Get Your Blog Noticed Fast!
Even Naughty Girl’s have to blog and there are certain ways to be particularly naughty when running and promoting your blog. Don’t laugh, naughty works, naughty works real well. Supposed “good girls” turn up their noses at us, thinking we, of the naughty nature, are base and crass. But they still click our links just so they can stare and judge. Well Judge Away. As long as you jack up my page views.
Naughty brings traffic. And even when we are too naughty, when we do something that most would think is WAY over the top, a lot of the times, if we stick it out, it goes away. Yeah, you know who I’m talking about.
Naughty brings page views. Naughty brings fun readers that comment…even the trolls that like to hang out on our pages, bring the fun. Dirty has its place also. So, from one Naughty Girl to another…
Here are 10 Way to be a Naughty Blogger & Jack up Your Page Views
- Sex Sells. A rule I learned from watching AMC’s MAD MEN. Sex does sell. But it can’t be in your face pornographic. That will scare away the prudes. Make it subtle. Sexy. New Adult. Blog about sexy topics, or sex scenes. Romance terms and fun romantic scenes. There is a reason that some of the biggest book blogs are about Romance.
- Engage with Tooth & Claw. Don’t be afraid. LET IT ALL OUT. If someone pisses you off. State it loud and proud. Engage in forums, engage on Goodreads, engage, engage, engage. Pissing people off makes them act in silly and stupid ways, the point is to be smart about it. Goading is always fun. Their stupid reactions will bring page views.
- Let Your Snark Out. You know what makes people angry? When snark is directed at them. But, when it is directed at someone else, it makes for a most enjoyable read. So, you please your readers and you piss off the intended target. This might also bring controversy to your blog, which brings page views.
- Screw Etiquette. All these “Ms. Bloggers” write posts about Blogging Etiquette, and How-To blog with Goodness and Light and Asses smelling like Petunias. If you could see me right now, I’m pointing a particular finger at the screen. Bite Me. I’m going to act the way I want to act and SO SHOULD YOU. Screw ’em. Blog the way you want and don’t feel bad about it. If you want to have naughty pictures on your sidebar (sorry PJ – really you made them take down their sexy men!?) flaunt them!!
- Make No Excuses. Book Bloggers are always bitching that this “new breed” of bloggers are only in it for the ARCs and the free books. Ummm…why else would we be spending 10 hours a day doing this? Gotta reap the benefits somehow! Say this is in a whiny high-pitched voice – “I do it for the love of books.” Wah wah. Sure. You guys sound like a bunch of grumpy old women, bitching about the next generation. Own the fact that you love you some ARCs. Own the fact that you blog to make extra cash from your advertising. Own the fact that you are opening your “editing” business because your husband is tired of your ass sitting at home all day and reading and airing all your shit on twitter, so you have to contribute some amount of money to the house fund. Own it. It makes you more attractive to readers.
- Controversy is King. Or Queen. If your page views are slumping, blog about a controversial topic. Maybe something that is currently happening in your niche, or become the focus of the controversy. Always make sure to use real names, point fingers and state your opinion the whole nine. Makes for better viewing.
- Provoke. Not getting enough attention on your reviews? Well, write in a style that provokes authors and other bloggers. Maybe focus only on negative reviews. Review a very popular book in a very negative fashion. People like to defend their favorites. If you get an author to respond – then you can write a post about how you are being harassed by an author, which will get you more attention.
- Get Personal. Bloggers can become rock stars. Don’t you want to be a rock star? Get creative in what you post, post only the outrageously fun and awesome things you do. Don’t do outrageously fun things? Well do them! Or photoshop yourself doing them. Always make sure you look presentable though, don’t look like a slob, even if you aren’t a super model, you can still be put-together nice.
- Be Provocative. Title your posts with provocative titles. Use bad language in your posts. Take pictures of books and label them Book Porn. Just push the envelope with language. Don’t be afraid to curse, you aren’t blogging for immature, easily offended puritans, are you?
- Make ’em Jealous. And finally, bring on the hate. There is a reason Kim and Kanye are both loved and hated equally – most people are jealous of their awesome. You might not agree to most of the shit they do, but you gotta believe that they are larger-then-life. If you want attention, make them jealous. Make them jealous with the books you get in the mail. Book Haul posts are great for this! Or just mark that you are reading a certain hot ARC on goodreads.com – you don’t have to be really reading it. “Oops – my fingers slipped when I was marking it as “‘want to read’ and I marked it as ‘currently reading.’My bad. “
Love you guys! I’m The Wicked Junkee – and if you like me, I might be back.
And a reminder, these Dishing Junk posts are written with satire in mind, they are meant to be taken with a grain of salt. There were no animals injured during the writing of this post and you should be the judge of whether the author is being funny or being real. XOXO