The 15 Reasons I Clicked Off Your Blog
Do you know what a Bounce Rate is? A bounce rate is the percentage of people that leave your site without clicking another page. It might as well be called the Suckage Rate. This is the percent of people that think your blog sucks. Mine is 60%. That freakin’ hurts. Now, I’m being a drama queen, with the suckage rate, but you do not want a very high bounce rate. No matter how you break it down.
If your bounce rate is high, there might be a TON of reasons why people are leaving. The best thing to do is evaluate your blog and see where the majority of people are coming from and try and figure out why they are leaving so quickly, or not clicking on anything. You do this by tracking your analytics, referral links, keywords that sort of thing. I’ve had readers argue with me about bounce rates and blogs – saying that since everything is only on one page, bounce rates will tend to be higher then a normal website – they read and read and read – and they don’t have to click anything. But, overall you want them engaged on your blog, you want them clicking your twitter link to follow you there, or clicking in your follow tab, or clicking on comments to leave a message. So, overall high bounce rate = bad. N0 matter how much sugar you coat that crap in, it’s still crap.
Now that we got all that technical mumbo-jumbo out of the way, let’s get to the good stuff. This is the reason I might have added to your bounce rate…
- Good Gravy Man! The colors are hurting my eyes!
Every now and again, I’m sent an email that says, something like “Hey Parajunkee, you are the supreme mistress of book blogging and everything awesome (this might be exaggerated) could you take a look at my blog and give it a critique?” The majority of the time, the colors are what do me in. Now, take it into consideration that I’m on a Retina screen, so I see all the colors…all of them. Including the halos that float around the text because the black is contrasting with that purple background (egads that is the worst!) And colors are not always a good thing. Some blogs make my eyeballs bleed. I’m sorry you just can’t mix primary colors and then slap a black font on it and make it easy to read. I’m bouncing off your blog. I bounced off so quick, my visit might not have registered. *Hiss*
- Ack! Turn the music down.
I’m secretly looking at blogs at work, then I click on yours – and FML you have Florence + The Machine auto-playing. Now I love Florence, but when I don’t expect her to come blaring out of my speakers I’m shutting this stuff down! Like now. I just bounced off of your blog, real quick, the Dog Days of Summer just almost got me fired. Youch.
- What is this? No I don’t want to follow you!
You have a popup that just jumps up in my face just when I hit scroll. Please. I’m not following you and instead of clicking that little x to close the popup I’m just going to Control-W and close down the whole page. I don’t like to be pushed into anything. Bounced away, I did.
- It’s been 3 seconds and I’m still seeing just your background.
What do you have that is taking so long to load? Well, guess what? I don’t care, I’m not that patient. Bounced off.
- Confusion ensues.
I have no idea what I’m looking at. Where is your blog? What am I looking at? Is that your header? It’s like 1000 pixels in height!? WTF? Wait I have scroll down to find your latest post. I’m so confused…I’m clicking off, my head hurts.
- Psst. Your Blog looks like a 5 year old put it together.
There are images popping into your post area and breaking up the lines. Your sidebar is crammed full of crap that I can’t make heads or tails of. You have motion banners and your navigation is falling behind your header. I actually have to scroll left and right to see your post area. Too much work. I’m clicking away.
- Your Google Ad Words are making me feel uncomfortable.
The most prominent thing on your site is that BIG A$$ banner that you have running at the top of your blog that is advertising Plus Sized Clothing. Now I know I wear plus size clothing and I know I just shopped at a plus sized clothing outlet online, which is why that Ad is coming up on your site. But, really, do I have to see it everywhere?? I know I’m fat – you don’t have to remind me everywhere I go! For goodness sake, even on the book blogs I visit, I now have to see it!? I’m having a panic attack about going on a diet, because of your blog, you have no control over the advertising that is on your blog with adwords – remember that. I clicked away. And I clicked away fast, with a lingering self-esteem issue…
- I’m having a seizure!
No, my eyes are just going wacky because everything is flashing on your blog! This isn’t the Vegas strip! This is a book blog, I’m trying to read here, but I can’t because there is some kind of banner going wonky above the text. I’m out of here.
Didn’t I just see this post on like 10 other blogs? Yeah, I did. Well, I’m not going to read it on yours, or scroll down and see what “original” stuff you’ve posted. Later.
- Hello Kindergarten Teacher
I’m sorry your comic sans type font is making my stomach churn. Sorry, I’m judgmental. And I just judged this blog by it’s typeface. Yup.
- When does it end?
Does your post really have to be the size of War and Peace? I don’t have that long of an attention span. Yawn. Sorry, I have something else to do.
- Is English your First Language?
Now I know some bloggers that blog in English and it is their 2nd or 3rd language. And write better then I do! And I know some bloggers that English is their first language and I wonder if they made it through high school English. Yup, sorry! We are bloggers. We write…that is the point? Correct? I’m not asking you to follow The Chicago Manual of Style, I’m just hoping your sentences make sense. If they don’t – well I’m outy.
- Your Content Sucks. Sorry.
You have nothing on your blog that I want to read. I don’t recognize a single book or author that you are promo’ing and I’ve entered that same contest on the blog I was just stalking five minutes ago. Sorry, I’m moving on.
- If I didn’t know better, I would suspect plagiarism. That meme that you just started – we’ll it’s eerily familiar. I think I saw the same kind of meme on another site! Hey that graphic looks oddly familiar. Dammit, is that the Corbis watermark on your header image? Yeah, it is. You are lucky I’m clicking away and not reporting you to the person who you are stealing ideas and intellectual property from. Because it is stealing. You do know you can’t just take an image from Google Images and use in your header, right?? I’m shaking my head as I click off of your site. But, wait I might just stick around and see what else you are pilfering. Maybe I won’t bounce this particular site – uh oh.
- Is that a Penis?
It is! And it’s right on top and I can’t stop staring at it. OMG my boss might come up behind me and you have these naked men all over your sidebar! I’m sweating just looking at them, from stress and other reasons. NSFW – not safe for work, means it’s not safe for home either, because my 6 year old or my husband might glance over my shoulder and that would take a bit of explaining. Are you a porn site? Then take the raunchy guy in the unicorn thong off your sidebars, if not I’m not coming back again. Send the picture to me in my email or twitter – with a NSFW disclaimer – so I can be prepared to look at it 😉
Happy Thursday. Talk Less. Read More. Blog with Integrity. XOXO
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