Dishing Junk

Dishing Junk: I’m done with you! Ten Reasons I DNF’d that book!

Dishing Junk – The act of dispensing ideas of little value in a casual or silly manner.

 This will be my first attempt to use animated gifs in a post also. Please do not mock my ineptitude.

DNF –  Did Not Finish. A book that failed to meet the standards of greatness set forth by a book blogger, rabid reader, or casual reviewer. With the standard not being met,  the reader does not finish that book, thus labeling said book DNF. This is the worst possible rating a reader can place upon a book, because it’s suckatude was so great that it didn’t even warrant a completion. Comparable to walking out of a movie or play. DNF books have been known to cause severe reactions in both readers and authors, including rashes, changes in skin hues, mental anguish, spontaneous emotional outbursts and homicidal behavior.

I'm Bored

  1.  Boring! The book was so boring I would rather wash the dishes. I’m yawning as I’m reading it, I want to bang my head against the wall…boring.
  2. Adjective Explosion. The is a fine line between descriptive and over usage. I’ve DNFd a book after the first page. It was a Nicholas Spark novel. It went something like this:

    “It was late April, the temperature hovering just around perfect, and blue skies stretched to the horizon. Beyond her, the Intracoastal was calm desire the breeze and seemed to mirror the color of the sky. A dozen seagulls perched on the railing, waiting to dart beneath the tables if someone dropped a scrap of food.”

    This was of course after he described the shirt she was wearing, the Atlantic rippling through her hair, the four men wearing polo shirts…

  3. Killing me!De ja vu. Oy! This book reminds me of something I read before? Oh yeah, cause I did read this before, it was only done better…get an original idea. People are tired of hearing reviews where they say “This is just like Twilight.” Well ya ever think, readers are tired of reading books that ARE just like Twilight? It is one thing to have a love triangle, or an over-bearing love interest. It is another to have a family structure similar, and scenes that are almost rewrites of the popular Young Adult Romance.
  4. Sentence Say What? Don’t know how to put together a proper sentence? Well, that means I DNF the book. If I have to reread a sentence once or twice, sure that is no big deal, but if I find myself having to constantly go back and read over and over again to make sense of what is going on, it is obvious this book is not written well.
  5. tumblr_inline_mlrhxpatPe1qz4rgpBitch Slap. I want to take the character and throw him/her off a cliff she is so ridiculously annoying. Stop whining, stop bitching, just stop. This is usually is not a fault of the author, since they made the character 3d enough to illicit and emotional response from me, unfortunatly it wasn’t a good response.  If the character is someone I would run screaming from in real life I do not want to read about them.
  6. La La Land. The shit just doesn’t make sense. I know this is fiction, but it has to make sense. If you are setting up a dystopian world and you tell me the world came to an end because because of global viral pandemic that wiped out only blonde hair blue-eyed people, and managed to also reanimate corpses in a zombie apocalypse…well if you can explain to so it makes sense, be my guest. If you can’t, well I will probably DNF it.
  7. Slam bam, WTF? Ever start getting into a book and then they get to the love scene and you are like, “wait, um…what?” For me that has happened when the guy drops his drawers and shows off two penis’, or the author has a penchant for bizarre food metaphors (I will never look at jello the same). I’ve had sex scenes that were so disturbing to read I stopped reading right there and tried to cleanse my mind through meditation.
  8. Douchebaggery. Speaking of romances…ever have a character that you find just flat out unlovable. How could the hero or heroine actually like this person? For me it is usually the hero, if I can’t get into him, how can the heroine?
  9. Dialogue for Dummies. Some authors just can’t get that dialogue down. If it doesn’t sound like a “real” convo it doesn’t ring true to me. Have a main character from the Hood using SAT words. Call me a stereotypical wank but that just doesn’t ring true to me. Or have a conversation that is just inserted to progress the plot or for exposition reveals – why would they be talking about this? Doesn’t make sense to me.
  10. Magic Hands! That trick didn’t work for me. Sorry, I know you wanted to step outside the box, but instead of wowing it fizzled. Tried a narrative voice? It was creepy!!! Can’t move on. Using dialogue without the quotes…I got confused. Tried to be James Joyce? Well, you’re not. If you are going to do a trick…it better be good.

 

And that is it…there are more. But then you would probably get bored.

What reasons do you DNF?

 

 

 

Dishing Junk articles are satirical in nature, they are not meant to be taken seriously.