Twitter convos with some of my Twitter Besties, the two Jens, led to this post. This is where I tell you about my Series Exes. The books I fell in love with and then had to dump. I loved these books, I gushed about these books…until they got to a certain point. Then I had to dump them. And like all good romances at the end of them I had to write a poem.
Please be kind…you know how break-up poems go…it is terrible. But this is how I feel.
An Ode to My Exes
To all the books I have loved before
The girls of UF rocked so much more
I fell in love with kick-ass chicks galore
And felt I had finally found series I could adore.
Yet, something changed, the authors gone mad
My kick-ass chicks turned from good to bad
Some, became whores and I prayed it was only a fad
Some bored me with monotony which made me sad
These were the girls I wanted to be
Girls with powers, shut-down emotionally
But, no more, I’m calling it quits
This, for me is as deep as it gets.
Anita I’m tired of your orgies and book-long sex scenes…
Rachel, instead of growing you’ve become dumber, irritating and mean…
Sookie, your monotonous prattle is as much as I can take…
Cat and Bones, I’m sorry but your side characters a better story they make..
Merit…you had maybe two good books and then it all went to shit…
And finally Eugenie, I finished you…but that ending made me pitch a fit.
This is the ode to my exes, there are only a few.
I’m sorry but this is the end…Just know…It’s not Me…it’s you.
First on the list ANITA BLAKE
How awesome was she? She was amazing and the longest of the girls. I stuck with her until book 14. She was a necromancer, could raise the dead…took out vampires as The Executioner. Then she had to hook up with some bi-sexual, long-haired, pansy vampire and he passed on his nasty vampire germs to her and she turned into a whore. She basically has to have sex non-stop. All she does is have sex. And not the like fun, interesting erotica sex. No — sex that lasts the entire book, with multiple partners over and over again. Like her I am in the grocery store, buying my cheap liquor and OMG I need sex now…so let’s have sex with the bagger and the butcher and the cashier.
Second ex is Rachel Morgan, who I abandoned when one of the main characters was killed off and then Rachel just went bonkers. I think that was about book four. Rachel was cool, she even had a cool name. But, she never progressed, always did something really stupid and then covered it up with something even stupider. I’m sorry I gave up on Rachel, but I just couldn’t take how she got worse each book.
Sookie Stackhouse. I believe I dumped you after you were picking through the rubble of a destroyed hotel. Some would think this would be interesting, but somehow even this became droll. I never picked up the next book.
Cat and Bones I love and still love. I can go back and read the first books over and over again. But, after awhile, there was no tension, there was no interplay between the characters like I loved. They were in love and happy, which doesn’t make for good books. At least for me. I haven’t picked up another Night Huntress book — but I read all the Night Huntress world books and I like getting little peeks of Cat and Bones, just don’t want to read about them full on.
Merit of the Chicagoland Vampire series was a great start, a kind of good second book and then failed out by book three. I tried reading on to book four…and then I gave up. Man, those books are killing me. Merit was a great character to start, but either there is not enough time in each book for the character to progress, or she just isn’t changing enough. Then it seemed the author was pulling a lot of “tricks” with the plot and I had enough. Bye Merit…till never.
Finally there is Eugenie. I loved Eugenie. She was my bestest series buddy ever! I sung the praises of these not too popular books. Richelle Mead always got more attention with your Young Adult vampire books, so I thought giving Eugenie some credit would be awesome. Book 1 and 2 rocked my world. Book three was like a WTF moment and then book 4, which would have been okay until I remember — wait that ended the series! What???????? Eugenie I wish I would have dumped you after book two because spending two more years of my life with you killed me. You destroyed me and broke my heart, I still resent you for it.