Fifty Shades Read AlongPlease be warned, this is a post about a very sexual book. Posts will contain bad language, graphic images and adult content. If you are under 18 please move along…

Fifty Shades of Grey Chapter Nine

Good morning Anastasia! Look at her little hooker self waking up all thoroughly devirginized (a few times).

Then comes the stereotypical stare into the mirror and see if anything looks different about herself. Did you do this after losing your virginity? I really don’t remember checking for changes in the mirror…it’s such a silly thing to do. It’s like checking in the mirror to see if you look different after you’ve had your first beer, or run your first marathon. Not gonna reflect on the outside people! Sorry, I digress.

But, with this reflection in the mirror comes a shift in the book. There has been some mention of Ana’s subconscious, but now three parts of Ana begin to take shape and actually get like little forms. There is Ana, there is Ana’s subconscious, which from what I can tell dresses like a librarian and wears glasses, then there is Ana’s Inner Goddess who is the slut version of Ana, is very athletic, since she seems to like to do gymnastics a lot. I understand that James created these characters to perpetuate Ana’s struggle to find herself, but it’s straight-up over the top…

My subconscious has weaken. She’s staring at me with pursed lips, tapping her foot. So you’ve just slept with him, given him your virginity, a man who doesn’t love you. IN fact, he has very odd ideas about you, wants to make you some sort of kinky sex slave.

ARE YOU CRAZY? She’s shouting at me.


But after her inner whatever lectured her, Ana decides it’s time for breakfast, so time to cook for Christian. They have breakfast and there is a lot of innuendos in their dialogue that I found funny and even after all this, they continue to call each other, Ms. Steele and Mr. Grey.

Yet, soon the talk returns to the whole agreement, the NDA and Christians predilection for a little slap and tickle. We find out that Christian’s family has no idea about his hobbies, he doesn’t want her talking to her best friend at all about their arrangements, especially now that she is “making the beast with two backs” with his brother. I have never heard that before — oh yeah, British slang term. No wonder.

Vanilla Sex?We also find out that he considers the nookie they had last night “vanilla” and it’s a first for him. Seems Christian has been a bit freaky since the get-go.

So what do they do next? Let’s have a bath…and he wants her to:

“…become well acquainted, on first name terms if you will, with my favorite and most cherished part of my body. I’m very attached to this.”

Boys and their wieners. I’m surprised it doesn’t have a name, Like Mr. Spanky…

I like mine big and growingAna’s reaction is again, priceless…

It’s so big and growing.

Alright. That’s something. Now on to Ana’s first Blow Job…dun dun duh…and low and behold she doesn’t have a gag reflex. And this of course, would make any man fall head over heels in love with a girl, so he is instantly begging her to seal the deal:

“Say yes,” he whispers fervently.
I frown, not understanding.
“To what?”
“Yes to our arrangement. To being mine. Please, Ana,” he whispers pleading…

Proves the point that men are easy…but Ana is not agreeing to that so easily, she needs a little more prodding. So, let’s have more oral sex…

What does Ana do when confronted with her first time??

“Aargh!” I moan as my body bows and convulses at the touch of his tongue.

They are just getting done and Christian is still trying to talk her into submitting to him when there is a commotion in the hall…the chapter ends with this line:

“Shit! It’s my mother.”

I was snickering all over the pages…too funny.

Chapter Ten of Fifty Shades of Grey

Ana is gonna meet Christian’s mother! With hardly any appropriate clothes and looking like she just, well had sex with her son…isn’t that fun? The screwed up thing about the whole mess is that Christian actually seems excited about it. A man that hasn’t introduced a single woman to his mother is pretty much demanding that she dress in HIS clothes and present herself.

Again, mixed signals Christian.

The mom seems pleasant. And during all this Ana accepts a phone call from Jose, who solidifies himself as a whiny ass from the way he acts. Any man that is described as whining at someone looses a big estimation in my book. I think the sole purpose of this character is to bring out Christian’s jealous streak. Which it does.

“I don’t like to share, Miss Steele. Remember that.”

And then back to Portland with a few memorable quotables along the way.

In the elevator:

“Stop biting your lip, or I will fuck you in the elevator, and I don’t care who gets in with us.”

Yes please.

On the way to Portland they stop at a restaurant and Ana continues to grill Christian. She is intent to find out more information from him. What she finds out:

  1. His mother thought he was gay
  2. He never introduced her to anyone, even 1 of the 15 relationships he’s had that were BDSM agreements
  3. He was fifteen when he had his first encounter, it was one of his mother’s friends who lured him into the BDSM lifestyle
  4. He was actually the woman’s submissive for six years
  5. He’s never really dated anyone
  6. He actually is still in touch with the “older woman” and considers her a good friend

This opens up all kinds of thoughts with Ana. She now considers Christian abused, which is true. If I were to find that my friend was sleeping with my fifteen year old son I would have her arrested and if it would come to light that she was using instruments of torture on my child I would push for a predatory sexual charge or sexual abuse. That’s just me. If it was a man doing it to a 15 year old girl, people would freak out…why is it different for a 15 year old boy? Because they want to have sex more than 15 year old girls?


Let’s get back to the story though. Ana has had a lot to digest in her little trip. She know, well kinda knows how bossy Christian will be if she submits to him, but she also has hopes that she can maybe change him, mend his wounds or whatever. She finds out he’s always monogamous, but he expects full obedience from her. Ana is going to have to do a lot of thinking until they meet again on Wednesday. But, now she has to confront Kate as she does the walk-of-shame back into her apartment.

Of course, she is immediately jumped by the ever inquisitive Kate. Ana manages to elude to what they did without giving out details. It’s not very hard, Kate seems to like to talk about herself.

Blah Blah Crying Men are horribleJose makes an appearance again also, whining and apologizing at the same time. Gah! What a horrendous character. He sort of insults her, but then grovels, it’s rather ridiculous.

We close the Chapter in a blissful, post-coital reverie…with Ana. She comes to the conclusion that even though Christian is a little messed up, she still wants more and doesn’t want to end their “relationship”.

My mind drifts to last night and this morning…and the incredible, sensual sexuality I’d experienced. Do I want to say good-bye to that? No! screams my subconscious…my inner goddess nods in silent Zen-like agreement with her.


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