Fifty Shades Read AlongFifty Shades of Grey Chapter Five time

We have now made it to Christian Grey’s Bed!


Well his hotel room. And we now begin the slow descent into Christian Grey’s fucked up world.

Odd Obsession #1: His preoccupation with eating.Fifty Shades of Eating

Christian gives Ana hell for not eating the night before, and actually gets rather mad about it.

     “Are you going to continue to scold me?”
“Is that what I’m doing?”
“I think so.”
“You’re lucky I’m just scolding you.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, if you were mine, you wouldn’t be able to sit down for a week after the stunt you pulled yesterday. You didn’t eat, you got drunk, you put yourself at risk.”

The food obsessions are everywhere — especially in the beginning, that first breakfast when he orders her the whole breakfast menu!

Also, now I’m going to start a new thing called spot “S.A.T. WORD”, because from this point on they pop up everywhere:

Ana: “That’s very profligate of you,” I murmur, bewildered by the choice, though I am hungry.

Profligate – recklessly extravagant…hmm learn a new word every chapter.

During breakfast, the anxiety is now amped up to the max, you know they just want to tear their clothes off and boink right on the counter. But — we can’t play that game with controlling Christian. Because of this Ana and Christian make a date for that night after she goes to work and there is some references to paperwork. Yup, paperwork and the fact that they can’t progress until she’s signed the paperwork! He’s actually going to fly her in a helicopter to Seattle, just so she can sign said paperwork. And then they can boink. Speaking of extravagant. This makes Ana even more self-conscious about the difference between the two of them. But, she is very excited now and I believe she has made up her mind that it is time to pop her cherry and Christian is going to be Mr. Lucky (after the paperwork of course). She hasn’t quite picked up on all of his possessive and controlling behavior and how it will translate into a relationship, or from what I can tell she just doesn’t care. Ladies…if your potential dates act the way Christian is acting with Ana — run for the hills! But, like anything, stuff like this is learned through dating different people and finding out what is GOOD and what is BAD. That is my dating advice 101…

Even with the oodles of warning signs, Christian is so damned sexy, which is probably why Ana is very much looking past his crazy behavior…especially with all the tension and the anxiety, especially in elevators.

FIfity Shades of Lip BitingLet’s talk about Christian’s next obsession now, Ana and her habit of biting her bottom lip:

I bite my lip.

“Oh, fuck the paperwork,” he growls. He lunges at me, pushing me against the wall of the elevator. Before I know it, he’s got both of my hands in one of his in a viselike grip above my head, and he’s pinning me to the wall using his hips. Holy shit.

But, this display of affection leads to more WOWs from Ana, like she just can’t believe that a man like him would want a reject like herself. I’m starting to realize this girl has a bit of self-esteem issue and a crazy penchant for saying Oh my. Being of sound self-esteem and mind I usually lack respect for characters of this sort, but I’ll give Ana some cred and hope that she gains it through the book:

Oh my…He wants me. Christian Grey, Greek god, wants me, and I want him, here…now, in the elevator.

And while the critic in me is screaming to rip it to shreds, I have to admit the whole thing was certainly very hot.

Moving on to Chapter Six of Fifty Shades of Grey

Exiting the elevator and entering into another ‘Twilight’ reference, which is Christian Grey’s obsession with Audis, he has like five of them. He drives her back to her home and in the midst of the drive makes more cryptic comments to the fact that he has weird relationship issues.

“What happened in the elevator—it won’t happen again, well, not unless it’s premeditated.”

Talk about control issues!

Then, he takes her directly to her house, without her showing him the way, so it’s obvious he has her completely stalked. WARNING SIGNS (click here for vague humorous associations). Between the cell-phone trace from the bar and now the fact he knows where she lives…something like this would worry me. But, our dear Ana is all-obsessing over if he will kiss her again, not if he has her house bugged.

I forgot to mention that there is also a side romance playing out with Kate and Elliot, Christian’s brother. He seems to be a Grey that has his head on straight – from what you can tell. Ana returns to her apartment and finds that Elliot has made himself comfortable and hooked up with Kate. They are quite engrossed in each other and Ana becomes immediately jealous of their behavior as a couple. And it’s true, her thoughts, why can’t Christian kiss her like Elliot kisses Kate? Why must everything be premeditated and off the wall?

Yet, as he leaves he does copy his brother and shows a little bit of humanness…

He tucks a stray strand of my hair that has worked it’s way free from my ponytail…

… “Laters, baby,” he murmurs.

That would be a swoon moment.

But, then off to more mundane work and anticipation of the night, with much preparation by Kate and Ana to be perfectly shaved and prepped in case they will be doing the deed.

Personally I was thinking, she’s going to work a whole shift in a hardware store, how prepped can she get? Talk about crotch sweat, on your feet all day long in a hot hardware store! But, whatevs that is just in my head. I guess she wet-whiped in the bathroom before he picked her up promptly at eight and then whisked her to his BIG BIRD, then even BIGGER apartment.

Again Ana is in awe of his wealth and extravagance. Crystal glasses, baby grand piano and sweeping views of the city. It’s like Pretty Woman, but instead of a whore, she’s a virgin.

Ana finally asks him about the books and why he sent her two copies of Tess.

   “It seemed appropriate. I could hold you to some impossibly high ideal like Angel Clare or debase you completely like Alec d’Urberville,” he murmurs, and his eyes flash dark and dangerous.

“If there are only two choices, I’ll take the debasement.” I whisper, gazing at him.


This is where my subconscious screams with her own, because if I’m not mistaken, didn’t Alec d’Urberville rape the heroine? Fun! We can all aspire to get raped (sarcasm).

Yet, Ana is all about Christian. She is even willing to sign his nondisclosure agreement, without even reading it. She knows what he is going to reveal is bad, but she’s ready for it. She is craving it. This whole time, I’m rebelling against Ana doing all this, but the book is still compelling me on, wanting to know what happens next, making me read and I’m still all into the Christian/Ana dynamic, it works, even though I think she is making a BIG mistake. DON’T do it chick! No, he is like Psycho 101! Ok fine, he’s hot! Have sex so I can read about it…I’m like a walking advertisement for bipolar, I can imagine what our little virgin would be feeling.

After she signs she literally looks him in the eye and asks if he is going to make love to her tonight, which he horrendously replies:

“No, Anastasia, it doesn’t. First, I don’t make love. I fuck…hard. Second, there’s a lot more paperwork to do. And third, you don’t yet know what you’re in for. You could still run for the hills. Come, I want to show you my playroom.”


After that there is some dumb comment from her, which literally had me rolling my eyes:

“You want me to play on your Xbox?”

WTF? I kind of lost any remaining respect for her character right there…but I want to see the playroom. C’mon…show me the playroom. *chanting* Playroom…playroom…playroom…

“Just open the damn door, Christian.”

My sentiments, exactly.

Taking a deep breath I walk in.

And it feels like I’ve time-traveled back to the sixteenth century and the Spanish Inquisition.

Holy fuck.

And to see visual representation – there are people that actually create The Sims pictures to correlate with the scenes. Yes, I know. Check it out.

But, other than the fact that I’m all agog over the fact that people take pictures of their Sim lives and post on Tumblr, I’m actually rather pleased with the book. I’m in that happy pre-coital moment in a romance where I know it is just about to happen…I hope it’s good! Even though I still have reservations about Christian’s issues.  Because let’s face it, you come to the realization after dating for a bit, that you can’t really change a man. Only a man can change himself and it usually comes with age or prescription meds, maybe a traumatic event….those sort of things. But, a woman alone, might get a man to stop boinking every girl that moves, or he might stop only stocking his fridge with Pabst Blue Ribbon, but their base nature will remain intake and it might get even worse as they become more comfortable in a relationship. But, I guess that is why women like romance, because even though they know it’s probably not true, one can only fucking hope that maybe some girl out there will stumble into THAT man…that man that we all only dream about.

Christian Grey is going to need a lot of prescription meds to work through his control issues and become THAT man.

XOXO Laters, baby…


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