T: And we’re here to pump you up! Magically speaking, of course.
T: She has the elemental magics: water, earth, fire, and air.
I: And he has a magic sword called “The Excoriator” plus he’s a champion. He can run fast and leap tall buildings with a single bound.
T: Um, I think that last part is superman. I do have a magic sword and I can run fast. But not the jumping part.
I: Well, I like to watch you jump. From behind.
T: Not right now, Izzie.
I: Huh? Well, it’s not like they’re not going to notice you have a supernaturally awesome butt.
T: It’s not like I can use it to vanquish bad guys, Izzie.
I: Sure you can. That’s how you run faster. Plus, I think it will distract them. Some of them, anyway.
T: That’s one definition of butt-kicking, I guess.
I: And a very fine definition it is.
T: Izzie, it’s about the sword. And Gurmun, the evil giant serpent that we killed and saved the island of magic.
I: I think it’s about true love and the power of believing in yourself.
T: When you told me you didn’t love me anymore, I almost believed it.
I: But you didn’t. Because we’re like the Wonder Twins.
T: You mean because we can activate our powers together?
I: Sort of. We don’t really work apart from each other as well as we do together. But we do different things. Like you can look pretty and distract the serpent and stuff.
T: While you use my sword to cut off his head?
I: If I wanted to use your sword, I could use your sword.
T: You couldn’t even lift it.
I: Fine. I looked into the serpent’s eyes. I felt his voice in my head. That’s harder than cutting off someone’s head with a big knife.
T: It was pretty hard. You had to hear about how your dad died, too, when you were just a kid. And you had to keep in control, never letting Gurmun inside your mind past the memories your were projecting to him.
I: So you’re saying that you’re the brawns and I’m the brains?
T: What’s wrong with that?
I: Well, just that I think you’ve forgotten that I’m just starting to figure out my powers. Who knows what I can do? Like fly to Mars or make the world turn around so fast that it goes back in time.
T: You’re doing it again. Superman.
I: Right. I’d rather be Wonder Woman. Or the Bionic Woman. Except for not the bad hair. And the stupid romances.
T: Because you already have me.
I: Well that and because they were stupid romances. Always doomed, you know.
T: I think we’re supposed to be saying how we’re going to beat any of the other super heroes or super vampires or whatever who show up here.
I: Vampires? I’ll just throw holy water on them or something from my mom. I don’t even have to use my own super powers on vampires.
T: What about werewolves?
I: Come on, werewolves? Everyone knows werewolves aren’t real.
T: Or angels? Or demons?
I: I can beat all of them with half my brain tied behind my back.
T: Groan! Now that’s Rush Limbaugh. Or something.
I: No, because that’s half his brain, which is a lot smaller than half my brain.
T: So you’re saying there’s no point to a fight?
I: I’m saying I think that with looking at your butt and laughing at us, we’ve got a serious advantage.
T: Maybe you’re right. Have to wait and see.
A modern retelling of the German fairytale “Tristan and Isolde”, Tris and Izzie is about a young witch named Izzie who is dating Mark King, the captain of the basketball team and thinks her life is going swimmingly well. Until — she makes a love potion for her best friend Brangane and then ends up taking it herself accidentally, and falling in love with Tristan, the new guy at school.