In the last week, my Facebook feed was full of these:
These posts were ridiculously aggravating. But, everyone did one. Everyone laughed, it was like one big ironic shame fest. People posted these funny mocking images, and tittered in comments about how funny it was. It was one part mocking and two parts nonsensical, it was a Facebook perfect storm. Most of them were benign, but some of them were a jab at some of the more common practices on social media. And they always ended with Be Like This. If you’re like me, you don’t like to be likeanyone. And you especially don’t like being told to be like your moronic co-worker, Madison (see above), who has a tendency to hang out in the bathroom for forty-five minutes to avoid work. Let’s not be like Madison, be like you…and take glee in annoying your Facebook friends. Here are some tips.
Take it to the Next Level
Avoid the mundane and shoot for over-the-top. Why post that it’s raining? Go outside, lay on the ground and get an action shot. Don’t be a mundane.
Avoid the Depressing
No matter how badly you are spiralling into your cookie dough, never post that! Make it cool and awesome. Never post that you are becoming a hermit and haven’t bathed or changed out of your PJs for three days. Post a random thought about mental illness (it’s cool to be mentally ill now) and how sometimes you just can’t face the onslaught of humanity. Receding to my safe place with my cat, my book and my favorite prescription of Xanex. You can even make it a political protest if you want to show your support of certain belief or anti-belief.
See! Pithy, political and cool.
Keep it Real
But no, keep it really fake. If you don’t have anything important to say, just post something fake. You don’t have to lie. Well, maybe little lies. Everyone lies on Facebook.
If you don’t have anything to post – say it in a song. Find the coolest song ever (check the charts on iTunes) and post those lyrics. Make sure it’s not a meaningless song, those lyrics have to have some punch.
Brag it Out
No one else is going to go to bat for you, you might as well just hit it and roll with it. Your life is awesome, you should let people know!
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There are some crazy books out there, then there are some off-the-charts, dipped in cray-cray, sipping tea with my crazy Aunt, crazy books. And those topics are usually within the Erotica genre. I hate to stereotypical – but it can’t be helped. You put a T-Rex as your main character in your book – and any other genre it’s fine. You put a T-Rex in an erotica novel as the main character – and well then it tops the whacked out territory.
Nothing says you love books, I mean LOVE books like a literary tattoo. I mean you can’t even call yourself a BOOK LOVER unless you have some sort of tattoo that is inspired by, or based off of a great work of literature. Not to mention, once you get said literary tattoo you declare to the world that you are smart, hip, and so not a slave to pop-culture. Because it’s a book, not a television show or movie. And just because they made it into a movie – well, that’s because people know what’s awesome. And the book was better.
Dishing Junk – The act of dispensing ideas of little value in a casual or silly manner. The Life and times of a stock couple.