Dishing Junk: The act of dispensing ideas of little value in a casual or silly manner.

No matter how many times I think I’ve seen some public figure make an ass out of themselves on social media, another one steps up to the plate and trumps their ass showery with a gem of a public debacle. Most of the time it just leaves me and the shuddering masses agog with disbelief as we watch the drama unfold. But, what most of these events have in common is the fact that it usually has a personal effect on some select individuals – and those individuals can be really hurt.  So, the next time you tweet or post or status update – maybe use your brain. If you have one.

politicallycorrect1. POLITICALLY CORRECT

Is a good stance. There is a reason that most people try to aspire to be politically correct. It’s because they don’t want to piss off anyone. And believe me, there are tons of people you can piss off by not being politically correct. Just because you are White, Christian and Female and live in a small town where everyone is just like you – does not mean that the majority of the people that follow / read / stalk you are also the same. In fact a good bit might be very different from your usual demographic of personal associates. So posting a picture depicting a certain demographic of peoples in a very negative fashion might really anger a few. Because when you do things like that, the term racists, sexist, bigot…are usually used when describing you as a person. And the majority of readers do not want to support a person with those adjectives in front of their name. And then suddenly the social media is full of tweets like this:

 2. TMI

TMI

While you think we might want to see that – while you might believe that your followers will be wowed by what you are showing them – think again. Really, we don’t want to see it. In fact we might really be turned off by what you are showing us. Put it away…and maybe think about it when you sober up. The funny thing is, half the time this happens when the user mistakenly @’s someone instead of DMing them. Or just straight up tweets it out, instead of putting it in the DM box. It happens to the best of us. Even celebs like Lance Armstrong can’t figure out twitter sometimes…remember when he tweeted out his phone number? Oh wait – he wasn’t alone, genius Charlie Sheen did it also.

 

whining3. No One Likes a Whiner.

Especially when you whine and whine about something that most of us would be jealous over or something you are supposed to do. Ever go to dinner with an ass hat that likes to brag with a whine? “Oh my Porche doesn’t have enough leg room, for my long long beautiful legs.” Or more to the point, the author that whines about books sales to her readers, then when she gets called on the table she deletes the post and then writes another post about how she isn’t sorry. Then writes another post about she isn’t Google and readers should not ask her stupid questions. Frankly some authors should maybe stay off Facebook and Twitter.

4. Spam Me.

There is no quicker way to get your twitter account blocked on my end, like sending me some stupid tweet “buy my book.” If your account is full of these types of tweets – when a really interested reader takes a look at your account all they will see is a Spammer and they won’t go any further. There is a right way and a wrong way to promote your book and you are doing it all wrong.

5. Talking Politics.

alien

Please see number one. Just because you are left leaning and all your friends agree with you, does not mean the majority of your readers and followers will agree with you. I understand standing up for what you believe is right is very important to us creatives types, I am all about standing up for Rights and Injustices. But, don’t shame the other side in doing so. I have friends that believe in creationism. You might believe in creationism. I don’t necessarily believe in creationism. I wouldn’t get on twitter and call people that believe in creationism idiots or narrow-minded fools. Which I’ve seen done. You wouldn’t want them to call you a narrow-minded fool, would you? So, why are you doing it to them? What if a good 10% of your readership believed in that particular gem – imagine what losing 10% of your readership would do? And that is a small number. Currently 42% of Americans take this stance. You Could technically lose almost half of your readers. You probably deserve it though, because calling out another person’s beliefs –  that is what I called “narrow-minded.

6. Mock Your Readers

I don’t get this. I don’t get this at all – but authors do it. All the time. They go on rants, mocking their readers. Mocking emails that their readers send them. Mocking their readers for stupidly buying their erotica novels instead of their YA novels. Why do you do this authors?? What is wrong with you? Yes, that email that you just got might have been inappropriate – but your dumb post mocking this fan that took the time to write you an email – is now not a fan anymore. Along with a few bystanders.  Dumb.

liarliar7. Liar Liar.

Why do authors find it necessary to get on sites like goodreads.com and make up fake profiles, use stock photos for their author bio pics, or generally make up fake sock puppet accounts to both promote their book and trash the “competition?” The creepiest versions of this break down in intelligence lead to authors pretending to be teens and tweens that LURVE their book so much that they have to spam other users with “teenspeak” versions of “buy this book!” Write weird glowing reviews and even email the competition with “you suck so bad you need to die” type of emails. Why? I don’t know why. But, it is creeptastic and when it comes out you are doing this – the internet shit will hit said fan – and you’ll learn the definition of troll. Because you haven’t seen anything yet, oh you little cutesy author troll, you.

8. Trolling for Dummies

trolls

Speaking of trolls. Readers aren’t the only trolls out there. Oh there are wonderful trolls created by authors that come out of the wood work to attack reviewers. They even have whole sites dedicated to “anti-reviewer” trolls. Once you throw your towel in with sites like STGRB – ahem Anne Rice, in the words of the Mr. Zoolander “You’re dead to me boy.”

9. Attack

Feeling aggressive? Well stay the HELL off social media. There is no reason to attack other users, especially if you are an author. Read a bad review about your book? Don’t discuss it and mock the reviewer with you agent. Talk about a reviewer in general and use really slanderous words to describe them…don’t laugh, I’ve seen reviewers called Psychos, The Big C, Rapists (that was me! I’m a total rapist and still holding a grudge), Ignorant…oh I can go on and on! Don’t go on a rampaging assault on them via twitter. Fingers will be screen capping that stuff before you can say “career ender.” No one likes angry. Don’t send your fans to attack. Don’t send your staff to attack. Don’t even mention it. I mentioned Anne Rice in #8 – well she is also famous for this one. Just an innocent Facebook post about this “mean” reviewer and then hordes of angry Anne Rice fans are flocking to the review to attack and attack and attack. Oh little Anne didn’t do it! She just mentioned it. No culpability there. BS. For actions like this I lost a favorite author. She’s coming to a big signing here in the next month. I will not be going. I will not support her in any way, I will not buy her books, if I could get my money back on the 20+ books I’ve already purchased of hers, I would… I feel like a jilted lover. And in some ways, that is what fans feel like when there idol goes bezerker.

10. Allow Your Husband / Spouse / Sister to Defend You

I know your sister loves you and so does your husband, or your wife or your live in housekeeper that is actually your wife but you can’t claim her because your other wife would get jealous…yeah they love you. But, if they get on social media and talk shit in defense of you or your book. Well, that is just wrong. And you are wrong by association. Sucks, but it’s true. And it will get you on the “what a weirdo list.” Take it from  authors like Emily Griffin, let your husband defend you from real life attackers – not internet reviews.

What do you think? Have authors done something that seriously offended you into NEVER EVER EVER reading them again? Share share share.